I have started this blog as a public record because something is happening to me that I cannot explain other than to document these experiences in case something catastrophic occurs. Maybe you can make sense of it for me, and tell my family how much I love them and never wanted to hurt them.
I do realize that I am miserable. It's as if I've awoken from a long sleep. Though I should feel refreshed and energized, I have more questions about where I belong in this world. First, about me. I am a junior accountant at a small firm and I detest my work. I will never change it, though. This is what I know. I am married to a wonderful woman, Karen, and we have two boys, Julian, 9, and Mark, 14. I love my family. I never want to leave them.
About two weeks ago I started suffering from terrible nightmares and waking up in the morning drenched in sweat, shaking, and confused. This morning I realized that these images and experiences may not be nightmares. I am exhausted and haven't felt this sleepless ever in my life. If I say that these night-time experiences are messages, am I insane?
More tomorrow on my dreadful work, selfish friends, and dreary lifestyle.
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